Heaven on Earth

We were given three points in Student Missions class to always remember as we travel around and live in our respective ares of the world. Where you are going is NOT heaven, it's NOT hell, Its not a haven and its not home. However I beg to differ. As I spend more and more time here I am finding pieces of heaven on earth. This place is nothing like home but it is showing me a lot about myself and what I held as my preconceived ideas. Sitting in the Youth Sabbath school I was met with a little heaven on earth listening to those young people sing. They are incredible and they way they can harmonize gives me chills. I use to think that I was coming here to be a blessing BUT I am being shown every day that this place and the people are blessing me. WE drive through the jungle and on every side I see poverty and despair. The living conditions that people have here can be appalling yet they have such great faith. such a joy that they have shared with each and every SM here. So can heaven come down to earth? Yes it can. To me it comes in the voices of the people here in Pohnpei. It comes in their smiles, in their hugs, in their waves. Its a piece of heaven on earth.

Week One

Kaselehlie from the island of Pohnpei!

Day one: the adventure actually begins two days before this on a Friday afternoon as I zip up my big red suitcase for the last time in Canada, hug my parents goodbye and stand in an immigration line for an hour with my super heavy guitar and three pieces of luggage. The nerves began to set in as I clung to my passport and realized that this was all really happening. Arriving in Dulles international airport in Washington I look around for my pick up and he is nowhere to be seen. Spending three days Washington just to jump back on a plane but this time I was not alone but with my best friend by my side (kind of…she was a few rows ahead of me but on the same flight). We met up with the other Southern student missionaries in San Fran and had a few minutes to chill before boarding our VERY full airbus! It was huge I was in the very back sitting with a guy from New Zealand and very talkative 11 year old flying to Hawaii for a family vacation. I can feel my excitement as we step off the plan in Honolulu and I can see the picture in my mind; 5 young college students, wide-eyed and dragging countless bags of luggage around to the pick up place for us. We were all talking about how disappointed we were that no one was waiting for us at the gate with lais and welcome. We definitely spoke prematurely and I am even ashamed to say I doubted our amazing SM department at southern. As soon as we got our luggage off the belt, Gail, our coordinator was there with lais, smiles and big hugs for all of us. I look around at our group and all I could do was smile cause this was it, here we were. All our planning, all our fundraising, all our worrying, all our tears, all our classes, all our prayers, all our emails had come down to this moment. This moment when we went from being students and want-to-be missionaries to employed teachers of the Guam Mission and Student Missionaries. The next three days were jam packed with meetings and seminars on teaching and how to be a missionary. I found myself falling asleep in every meeting and would wake up to other SM’s laughing at my nodding head and twitching body. The jet lag had hit me and hit me hard and we weren’t even in Pohnpei yet! Those three days are a relative blur. They packed the days with activities and both mornings Britt and I got up at 5:30 to explore Hawaii. The principal from Saipan took groups to Diamondhead one morning and the ocean/beach the other. It was hard to wake up that early but I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I might as well take advantage of it while we were there.


In Pohnpei: I’m really starting to get use to this whole “flying” thing lol. I’ve taken so many flights up to this point that three more flights seems like nothing to me. I can sleep for an entire 5-hour flight and not even notice the time pass. We took group pictures with all the countries and schools and I realized there are quite a few of us going to Pohnpei. 18 in total and we all seem to really be hitting it off. This is an awesome group to be in and I can tell the next 10 months are going to be a blast. With an EARLY rise and sine of 3am, all the western island SM’s pile onto the bus to head to the airport for our 6am flight. We stopped in Majuro, another Marshall island and then final destination Pohnpei☺.


The flights went quickly but our stop in Majuro we had a bit of time to get off the plane and be outside for a while as they cleaned the plane. It was really weird to think that this was where my roommate, Nicole Ley was an SM last year. I felt like a zoo animal seeing all the locals lined up at the airport gate starting at us like we were some kind of foreign aliens that had just landed and taken over their airstrip. The island only seemed wide enough for our plane to barely land. I felt like I could stretch my arms out wide and put my finger in the ocean on both sides of the island! I think I would go crazy on such a SMALL island!! We waved goodbye to the SM’s that were staying in Majuro and boarded back onto our plane for our final flight to Pohnpei. Landing we were greeted with what we were told would be our faithful companion for the next 10 months; RAIN. We were handed umbrellas and probably looked like silly tourists having to protect ourselves from the rain when this was just a commonality to the locals here. We were greeted by the locals who gave us flower headdresses and lais☺. I could see the tinge of fear in the eyes of the other SM’s as the uncertainty of this new place was just starting to sink it. The drive to our school was filled with camera flashes, pointing fingers, and wide eyes. We noticed two main things right off the bat; they don’t throw out their trash in a central location but rather just on the side of the road and the humidity here would be the death of all of us who love cold weather. I must admit however the heat is not quite as bad as I pictured it. It gets to about 85 but with a humid-x of 120%. SO STICKY all the time and I can never find relief from the heat. We explored the school a bit but were pretty exhausted and just wanted to unpack and get settled into our apartments. After a few hours we went on our first outing!

visiting Palm terrace (grocery store) for the first time:)

Our principal took us to the local grocery store “Palm Terrace” and we found out first hand just how insanely expensive the food is here. Box of cereal = $8 or canned beans = $6 or ice cream = $10/tub, no peanut butter or chocolate. But it was such a new experience to have to plan out what to buy, when to eat it, how to bargain shop. Definitely nothing I’ve ever had to do for myself before. We bought all our cleaning supplies, paper towels, TP, staple foods and basics bringing our apartment bill to about $202.02. We are for sure going very BASIC and only staple food while here, not many frills. However that hasn’t really stopped us from having some pretty awesome home cooked meals! Last night we had baked potatoes and curry. Rice has been a huge staple for us already and our rice cooker has been on more than it has been off in the last few days. I am actually currently eating a banana and coconut smoothie Britt and I made from a few of the banana and coconut trees behind the gymnasium.
Today was a VERY slow day! We didn’t have any meetings or orientation so we’ve pretty much just been in our apartment all day, cooking, making our syllabi for our classes and just hanging out. There are so many daily adventures here. For example this mornings adventure was figuring out how to make waffles☺. That was hilarious. Then it poured rain all morning so we just had mini adventures in our apartment of singing really loud to songs, some SM’s watched a movie, did handstands, did the dishes, cooked noodles, ate frozen banana, tried to make fried banana, found a HUGE eel in the drain system, killed three cockroaches, and writing in this blog. I will make sure not to fall so far behind in my blogging from now on and then I can give more details☺ But for now I better get back to my lesson plans since school starts this coming Tuesday and registration for High school starts tomorrow!!

SonRise

I was dead.
Literally.
Hanging over the side of a smoking car, blood dripping down from a gash in my shoulder and from a wound on my head, and a black eye to boot.
Only one shoe on, the other was thrown out of the car upon impact. All is motionless and my forehead throbs as my eyes strain in the light. My back is trembling and tense.

Confused? Yes:) this was my freeze frame scene during the opening of SonRise (a live easter drama all across the campus of Southern Adventist University). Beginning in the church the audience is faced with a song drama of the years past tragedies, national disasters, and daily problems. I was a part of the car accident scene as you might have already guessed. I was a girl being dragged out of the smoking car by a firefighter while her father is lying on the pavement with a firefighter hovering over his blood soaked chest performing compressions for CPR. This happens daily, if not hourly around the world. A life is turned upside down from a unplanned, unthought of, unwanted tragedy and a reality of sin. Every year I've been a part of the church scene and before I've been able to watch it all as an angel...however this year I felt more involved, more immersed, more bloody, more personal. I could feel the sticky, cold blood run down my arm every time I stepped out on that stage. And as I would lay my body limp over the arms of chris the firefighter I would think, "I can't imagine a world of this much disaster and sin." Yet I live in the middle of it. The middle of earthquakes, of car accidents, of home foreclosures, of tsunamis, of spousal abuse, of suicide, of disconnected families, of riots and wars. There isn't any escaping the reality of tears.
Another thought that would go through my head was "I NEVER want this to happen to ANYONE I know." More specifically as I lie in the stretcher for the second frozen scene, my eyes went straight towards the disconnected family scene where Brittany sat. My very best friend in this world. All I could think was I would jump in front of a car for her. How I would take a bullet for her. and I would NEVER want pain to come to her ever again.
But the only person who can give his life in place of our own is Jesus. The ultimate sacrifice. So as much as I see sin all around, theres someone who took more than just death for us but possible separation from his father forever. Yet He still died. For you.

My Gym-Master Last

Last night of practice. It was the....

Last time I would ever step foot in the gym for that 8-10 gathering:(
Last time I would be apart of this team
Last time I would look in that mirror with Hannah & Nikkia right behind me for a butterfly
Last time I would grab my stuff out of my box and take 20min to leave the gym cause I'm talking to everyone on the way out
Last time I would look at the clock over coaches office
Last time I would feel apart of this team
Last time I would set up for teepee
Last time I would run through NBA routine....one more time!
Last time I would look around to find someone to do an ab workout with
Last time I would chalk up on the big blue
Last time I would read that long list of coaches ideas and dreams on the lists on the wall
Last time I would run around in a tiny circle, running into people and being thrown in the foam pit during warm-ups
Last time I would have 48 other insta-friends:)
Last time I would forget what day or what color or leotard we were suppose to be wearing
Last time I would stretch out and tie my shoes at the same time
Last time I would be a Gymmaster.

So goodnight gym. I'll be back. I may not be apart of the team anymore but it will always be apart of me.

A perfect day can end in rain

"a perfect day can end in rain"

I kinda laughed to myself when I heard this quote however I still acknowledge it's validity. such which validity became my reality.
Without going through every detail of my day which I'm sure no one, including myself would want to hear. I began with a great morning other than my hairdresser not showing up to my appointment. I shrugged it off and went back in the afternoon. Only problem would have to be the fact I technically spent an accumulative of 2 hours instead of one getting my hair cut and dyed. and Just because I want to complain more you can't even see it....ANYWAYS THAT's NOTHING in comparison to what I found out in the afternoon. Not only did I get in trouble for writing with chalk on the promenade (i know that was stupid of me) but I find out my best friend Brittany Jacobson (who has meant the world to me these last few weeks, into month) is struggling through her own mess and I don't know what to do to help her. I felt lost for words of comfort and just looked into her very hurting eyes with nothing to say. How horrible is the feeling of helplessness. How empty it makes one feel and long for words of wisdom. By her being affected I am affected. Just seems like such a perfect, sunny day can end in "emotional rain." the problem when I get overwhelmed with life, with big house sales, with a bad hair cut, with a pile of homework, with teachers breathing down my neck, with friend problems, I tend to just shut down. I give up, throwing my hands up and just wanting to lay in my bed and let the world pass me by. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. When she comes to me and she struggling I just feel bad for myself. I get angry I can't spend time with her anymore. I get angry that shes going to be so busy. BUT WHO IN THE WORLD am I to call myself her best friend if I just turn everything to feeling bad for myself?! Here she is with a crap-load on her plate and a million things on her mind and tears that won't seem to stop (mentally if not physically). I just want to comfort her. God, can I please see you, can I please hear you. I don't know what to do. How can I talk the talk and not walk the walk. I can't even give my best friend a word of comfort when the tears flow so easily. It reminds me of the song by Francesca Bastielle;

I can’t say that everything’s okay
‘Cause I can see the tears you’re crying
And I can’t promise to take the pain away
But you can know I won’t stop trying

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side

I know it feels like you’re running out of faith
‘Cause it’s so hard to keep believing
But if I can bring a smile back to your face
If for a moment, you’ll forget all about it

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side

‘Cause this won’t be the last time
You’ll need a little hope
But I want to be the first to let you know

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side


How much does our heavenly father feel the same way. We hurt so much. He sees our tears flow freely from our broken hearts. He see how we suffer. But sometimes He must feel helpless as we turn our backs on Him. He wants to wrap His arms around us and tell us it's going to be okay but we just give up. I just give up. I just need those eyes of faith. Those eyes that can see God working in all this. The eyes that see His hands reaching and carrying us through these.

How Great is Our God!

For this spring break I went on tour with Gymmaster to California to do shows and weekend programs:) It was amazing how much we traveled. We clocked in about 78 hours on the bus, driving from show to show all over Cali. We saw the sights and so many places I have always wanted to visit!!

-Golden Gate Bridge (full house!)
-Grand Canyon
-Hollywood
-Yosemite National Forest (Wawona summer camp)
-Hollywood bowl
-Venice Beach
-San Francisco
-China Town
-Stars Walk in Hollywood
-Hollywood sign (a drive by lol)
-LAX airport (saw Kirk Franklin, Lady Antebellum, Nick Jonas, Joe Crowe)

As we went to each of these places I began to think...
I placed my hands in the hand prints of famous people, saw the amazing structures built by man, saw celebrities and stars yet was more taked back by the amazing wonders of God's creation. Seeing a famous person or the amazing sights and sounds of Hollywood was nothing in comparison to the breathtaking view standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon or staring up at Half Dome in Yosemite. The song that came to my mind was "How Great is Our God" and how true is that! His creations and wonders far out weight the works of mans hands. What an amazing God we have! Even as I saw celebrities I was excited but again they are only human beings, sinful and created. If only we could get that excited to see God face to face!! Now that's whose autograph I want and a picture with to hang on my wall!!

Frozen Moments

Have you ever just looked around at everything going on around you in a crowded room or with friends and just really looked at each and every face. Taking in their personalities, laughter, and smiles. It's like a freeze frame in movies when the main characters seem to almost freeze, their thoughts become audible and the audience is brought into their thoughts and feelings of their surroundings. I cannot even count how many times I have done that in this past week. I am on spring break with the Gym-Masters from Southern and we have had an absolute blast touring around Arizona and California, doing shows and programs for academies', high schools, and church groups. We have laughed till it hurt, cried together and simply drawn closer as a team. I seem to stop what I'm doing and just look around at all these amazing people. I watch their joys and see their unique personalities. I just think "how amazing God is for putting these people in my life!" The jokes we have, the times we've shared, the relationships. I can connect with them across the room just by a smile. It's like I'm in an out of body experience and I have separated myself from the experience and simply watch all of these people.

I can't believe that this is really my last year. Last year of being a part of this family. We truly become a family as the year progresses. I will never perform again on these mats. I will never hold Chris in a hand to hand again. I will never have the opportunity to fly with strong guys:) lol. A lot of lasts and I'm trying so hard to freeze these moments so I can hold onto them forever. I want to be able to stay in this spot for eternity. But then I think. ETERNITY. That's what we have to look forward too. No longer will I have to worry about having to say goodbye again. Goodbye to amazing people in my life, not knowing when we will see each other again. Leaving next year will be hard. Watching everyone move on with their lives back at Southern with Gymmasters and life in general will be difficult so I'm trying so hard to enjoy these people now. Let's not lie to ourselves, most student missionaries get "forgotten about" speaking in terms. One of my closest friends was gone as a student missionary last year and I can say that I did NOT forget about her and kept in touch as much as possible however things get difficult as you two are living in two VERY different worlds and going through VERY different experiences. You try to relate to one another but the people and places are so drastic. I know that no matter how many promises are thrown around people will move on with their lives and we shall live different lives next year. A growing experience for sure! and I am looking forward to the God growing I will have just not the pain aspect of it. I know I have written about pain and Good-byes before but I can say it again. I hate goodbyes. So one last time I look across this room, take in the scenery and cherish the faces for what seems to be the last time. Each and every one of them are so amazing and I will continue to thank God for the experiences and good times I could share with them and for putting them in my life:) Now I can only look forward to a time when I won't have to worry about leaving them or saying Goodbye. It will be forever and ever an amazing moment with Jesus and these peeps:)