going elsewhere

Feel like I should start a new blog since this one is in my past. Change the title to "A MONTH in Pohnpei" I now redirect you to my new blog

servicenotfame.blogspot.com

Diesel Trucks, soft serve and answered prayer

Let's see...my last post was pretty much a week ago and I am so overwhelmed with everything that has happened I am tempted just to copy and past from Brittany's very detailed and up to date blog to fill in the details of this week.
So our days are filled with unpredictable adventures but the most epic one we had this week involved the yellow truck. We've already had a truck break down on the way to church and had to wait for a relief ride, leaving it on the side of the road. Now we were down to one truck for the SM's to use for town runs which is really small for all of us to fit in in one run but we attempted it anyways. we all piled into the truck and crossed our fingers that everyone would fit, groceries, school supplies and all would fit into this truck.



We stopped at the post office day before but missed the package pick up by 8 minutes! I was disappointed since I'm waiting for a few packages including peanut butter!!! I didn't think other packages would be arriving for a while since i thought it takes a few weeks to get here. Whenever we drive around the island we are quite the sight to see for the locals. They stare at the excited white people in the SDA school truck and we just smile and wave:) Right before we left Brittany yelled at me across the campus and said i had a package!! I got so excited and ran to see what I had gotten so quickly. I actually had 2 packages!!! One was a pair of shoes my aunt had sent me and the other was my answer to prayer!!!!! I emailed Coach Schwartz and Dr. Garver at Southern about a week ago petitioning them for some sports equipment. I was expecting a box with a basketball and volleyball and maybe a few hot spots but boy was I wrong!!!!! I got an email back saying they had sent FIVE boxes of equipment for me to use. I don't think I could describe to you the emotions that flooded over me when I read that. I felt so blessed to have such amazing support from such amazing staff. I could talk about Southern ALL day long! This just proved the awesomeness that Southern has and how their staff REALLy do care about each and every student, even when they are half way around the world! I couldn't thank them enough for that amazing generosity! Now that I actually had this large box in front of me I was overwhelmed. I only got one of the 5 but the bigger fact of this was the miracle it brought with it. They sent 5 packages (which I still hope are on their way lol) but this one just happened to arrive first. But I do not believe it was just a coincidence! I prayed that morning that God would provide a way for me to be able to fitness test my PE class but I didn't have the resources or equipment to do so. This package had 5 (the exact amount i needed) of jump ropes for me to do all the tests I needed to that next day! God is good, all the time! And I have Coach and Garver to thank for this amazing blessing in Pohnpei:) I know my girls were shocked to see BRAND new equipment (basketballs, volleyball, jump ropes, pylons) and that was only the first package!!! I'm excited to receive the rest and show them. So here we are, packed full in the truck with our water containers ready to buy the town out. It had been a while since our last grocery store visit to palm terrace and a bunch of us needed to go to ACE for school supplies and teaching materials. We managed to drop our water containers off to be filled which helped with the space issue. Next stop was palm terrace for groceries. Since we went had so much stuff and eggs and milk that needed to be refrigerated we took a run back to the school and were going to go out again to ace. on the way back we needed to stop for gas so we stopped at a self serve and they asked them for "regular." Apparently regular on this island means just regular diesel. Well we found that out quickly we were stuck. Luckily for us it was at one of the best gas stations we could have stopped at with slushies and SOFT SERVE ice cream!! The island doesn't have much ice cream or american necessities (desserts) since everything they do have is melted and soft. so many times we jump on opportunities to enjoy the treats here:) I had a raspberry slushy! really good. We were stuck at the gas station for about an hour until one of the teachers came to pick us up in the dump truck. quite the ride back lol!! So after a very long afternoon we missed ACE closing and return the next day.



That was only one day this week! we also had an entire week (first week) teaching our classes! I was standing at the front of one of my health classes on thursday and thats when it really hit me. I am a high school teacher! The students were handing in their papers and I was writing homework on the board.......this is really happening....i am a student missionary in Pohnpei! God works in surprising ways and i'm excited to be in his hands through it all.


GIrls SM's with the flower from our "apple" tree on campus


we have REALLy bad luck with trucks. This is us trying to push the truck out when we got stuck at Mrs. Cool's house:)

Sunday morning rain is falling...

Today is the first day I feel as if I need to put lotion on! We went swimming in the Pacific Ocean yesterday and I can definitely feel the after effects of the massive amount of salt. We took a day trip out to a SMALL “resort” island to go snorkeling and have a bit of a day to relax away from the school. We’ve only been here about a week and a half and we are already taking trips out and exploring the island, I love it. This was a cute little island called Nahalp and there were a few other Pohnpei groups that were camping on the island. We took an hour drive in the back of our trucks to get there. I am really starting to get use to our transportation methods, which consists of piling as many of us into the back to two small trucks as we can, some standing at the back window and everyone else sitting against the sides. We have already had the privilege of being pulled over once for incorrect placement of our people in the back of the standing truck lol. Marcus was outside the bar and standing on the back tail end when we saw a small white car pull up pretty close behind us. We didn’t think anything of it at first until this little tiny blue light on the top began to light up and inform us we were currently being pulled over. They didn’t give us a ticket but a very abrupt verbal warning was not lacking. We had a good laugh about it after and Marcus hasn’t really heard the end of it since. When we got to the small inlet where we would be getting on a boat to head to the island the driveway into the inlet was quite the challenge. It was scary to be standing in the truck looking down at this very steep and rocky road that we were about to attempt at going down. I yelled back to everyone else to be ready to “jump ship”. But we made it down without any problems and we waited in a small overhang until the boat arrived to ferry us to the island. Nothing seems to really surprise me anymore. I am ready for anything after being here for only a week and I’m learning to expect the unexpected. Of course I was expecting a big boat to come around the corner to ferry us to the island however that was not quite the case. It was basically an oversized fishing boat with 8-10 rows of benches and an unplugged hole in the back that let in water every time someone shifted to the wrong side. We left at about 10:30am and apparently this is the time of low tide and with our luck we got stuck. All the guys had to get out and start pushing our little blue boat through the low, muddy water. Eventually a few of us girls hopped out and began to help with the grunt work too. I cut up my foot nicely on something in the mud but didn’t notice it till after I got back in the boat. Its so much fun to have such an unpredictable life. I was just talking with Brittany the other day about how different the way of life is here compared to the States. The pace is relaxed, the culture is focused on such different aspects of life and the “cushions” of society have all been removed. We find ourselves enjoying the little things in life so much more here. We find entertainment in racing GIANT frogs around the parking lot, in riding in the back of the truck while it rains, sitting in our living room just hanging out, making a good meal, eating bananas and swimming in the creek, drinking from a coconut, sitting in front of a fan, listening to Carl play his accordion, or just getting a scoop of ice-cream on a hot day. I guess you can say that the “little” things amuse us and we find enjoyment in random parts of our days here. I have already heard a few people talking about the culture shock they know they are going to experience going back home after our 10 months here.
When we finally reached the island, which wasn’t too far away but took us quite a while to get there we all started to explore. Brittany and I walked around the path for a while and then noticed that everyone had gone out to this long pier and had started snorkeling in the water around the dock. There was an awesome slide into the water and a overhang on the pier with a LARGE tube ring about 20 feet from the pier where you could sit and hang out in the water while people swam. I didn’t have snorkel gear so I watched for a few minutes but then decided to go and walk to the other side of the island to look for this cute chapel that Tia Tanya had told us about. One the way over we stopped to get some fresh mangos from Tanya’s box and enjoyed eating those while we walked.

Back to the Books

Remember your first day of high school? I sure do. And I was able to relive it all over again on Friday morning as I watched all the freshman and sophomores come into the work room to register for their classes. They would get their schedules made up with Mr. Edward and them come around to all us SM teachers and give us their papers. If our class was circled on their papers we would write them in on our rosters. It was awesome to be able to see our students and get to know them by name and meet some of their parents. There was such a vast difference between the demenior of the freshman and the seniors. Most of the freshman had their moms over their shoulders the whole time not wanting to try and let their little babies go:)

So I feel like there is so much we've done so far I can't even keep track of it all. But its not so much in the huge events but rather in the mundane daily adventures we have here that really stick. The other night we started a tradition of "Brinner". We adopted it from southern with waffle night at the CK. We had all the SM's over to our apartment and we made waffles in effect having Breakfast for dinner and have now named it Wednesday night brinner.

Last night Carly and Michael had a theatrical session for about an hour. We just watched as they entertained us with their humor and witty lines to each other. I have not laughed that hard .....EVER! Our apartment seems to be the hang out place for most of the SM's, although I am starting to think that its just cause we feed people and so they just keep coming back lol.

So i'm ready and waiting for another adventure. It's probably just around the corner.

Dog!

Here in pohnpei we consider the to be like squirrels. Stray dogs are EVEYRWHERE! If you've seen the movie UP you know that the line "squirrels" can bring about much laughter. Well here we are always yelling "DOG!". They seem to think that they rule the road and they don't have to move for oncoming cars. We have 2 or 3 dogs that hang around the school campus and I've already named them. Stinky, Spots and prego.

Heaven on Earth

We were given three points in Student Missions class to always remember as we travel around and live in our respective ares of the world. Where you are going is NOT heaven, it's NOT hell, Its not a haven and its not home. However I beg to differ. As I spend more and more time here I am finding pieces of heaven on earth. This place is nothing like home but it is showing me a lot about myself and what I held as my preconceived ideas. Sitting in the Youth Sabbath school I was met with a little heaven on earth listening to those young people sing. They are incredible and they way they can harmonize gives me chills. I use to think that I was coming here to be a blessing BUT I am being shown every day that this place and the people are blessing me. WE drive through the jungle and on every side I see poverty and despair. The living conditions that people have here can be appalling yet they have such great faith. such a joy that they have shared with each and every SM here. So can heaven come down to earth? Yes it can. To me it comes in the voices of the people here in Pohnpei. It comes in their smiles, in their hugs, in their waves. Its a piece of heaven on earth.

Week One

Kaselehlie from the island of Pohnpei!

Day one: the adventure actually begins two days before this on a Friday afternoon as I zip up my big red suitcase for the last time in Canada, hug my parents goodbye and stand in an immigration line for an hour with my super heavy guitar and three pieces of luggage. The nerves began to set in as I clung to my passport and realized that this was all really happening. Arriving in Dulles international airport in Washington I look around for my pick up and he is nowhere to be seen. Spending three days Washington just to jump back on a plane but this time I was not alone but with my best friend by my side (kind of…she was a few rows ahead of me but on the same flight). We met up with the other Southern student missionaries in San Fran and had a few minutes to chill before boarding our VERY full airbus! It was huge I was in the very back sitting with a guy from New Zealand and very talkative 11 year old flying to Hawaii for a family vacation. I can feel my excitement as we step off the plan in Honolulu and I can see the picture in my mind; 5 young college students, wide-eyed and dragging countless bags of luggage around to the pick up place for us. We were all talking about how disappointed we were that no one was waiting for us at the gate with lais and welcome. We definitely spoke prematurely and I am even ashamed to say I doubted our amazing SM department at southern. As soon as we got our luggage off the belt, Gail, our coordinator was there with lais, smiles and big hugs for all of us. I look around at our group and all I could do was smile cause this was it, here we were. All our planning, all our fundraising, all our worrying, all our tears, all our classes, all our prayers, all our emails had come down to this moment. This moment when we went from being students and want-to-be missionaries to employed teachers of the Guam Mission and Student Missionaries. The next three days were jam packed with meetings and seminars on teaching and how to be a missionary. I found myself falling asleep in every meeting and would wake up to other SM’s laughing at my nodding head and twitching body. The jet lag had hit me and hit me hard and we weren’t even in Pohnpei yet! Those three days are a relative blur. They packed the days with activities and both mornings Britt and I got up at 5:30 to explore Hawaii. The principal from Saipan took groups to Diamondhead one morning and the ocean/beach the other. It was hard to wake up that early but I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I might as well take advantage of it while we were there.


In Pohnpei: I’m really starting to get use to this whole “flying” thing lol. I’ve taken so many flights up to this point that three more flights seems like nothing to me. I can sleep for an entire 5-hour flight and not even notice the time pass. We took group pictures with all the countries and schools and I realized there are quite a few of us going to Pohnpei. 18 in total and we all seem to really be hitting it off. This is an awesome group to be in and I can tell the next 10 months are going to be a blast. With an EARLY rise and sine of 3am, all the western island SM’s pile onto the bus to head to the airport for our 6am flight. We stopped in Majuro, another Marshall island and then final destination Pohnpei☺.


The flights went quickly but our stop in Majuro we had a bit of time to get off the plane and be outside for a while as they cleaned the plane. It was really weird to think that this was where my roommate, Nicole Ley was an SM last year. I felt like a zoo animal seeing all the locals lined up at the airport gate starting at us like we were some kind of foreign aliens that had just landed and taken over their airstrip. The island only seemed wide enough for our plane to barely land. I felt like I could stretch my arms out wide and put my finger in the ocean on both sides of the island! I think I would go crazy on such a SMALL island!! We waved goodbye to the SM’s that were staying in Majuro and boarded back onto our plane for our final flight to Pohnpei. Landing we were greeted with what we were told would be our faithful companion for the next 10 months; RAIN. We were handed umbrellas and probably looked like silly tourists having to protect ourselves from the rain when this was just a commonality to the locals here. We were greeted by the locals who gave us flower headdresses and lais☺. I could see the tinge of fear in the eyes of the other SM’s as the uncertainty of this new place was just starting to sink it. The drive to our school was filled with camera flashes, pointing fingers, and wide eyes. We noticed two main things right off the bat; they don’t throw out their trash in a central location but rather just on the side of the road and the humidity here would be the death of all of us who love cold weather. I must admit however the heat is not quite as bad as I pictured it. It gets to about 85 but with a humid-x of 120%. SO STICKY all the time and I can never find relief from the heat. We explored the school a bit but were pretty exhausted and just wanted to unpack and get settled into our apartments. After a few hours we went on our first outing!

visiting Palm terrace (grocery store) for the first time:)

Our principal took us to the local grocery store “Palm Terrace” and we found out first hand just how insanely expensive the food is here. Box of cereal = $8 or canned beans = $6 or ice cream = $10/tub, no peanut butter or chocolate. But it was such a new experience to have to plan out what to buy, when to eat it, how to bargain shop. Definitely nothing I’ve ever had to do for myself before. We bought all our cleaning supplies, paper towels, TP, staple foods and basics bringing our apartment bill to about $202.02. We are for sure going very BASIC and only staple food while here, not many frills. However that hasn’t really stopped us from having some pretty awesome home cooked meals! Last night we had baked potatoes and curry. Rice has been a huge staple for us already and our rice cooker has been on more than it has been off in the last few days. I am actually currently eating a banana and coconut smoothie Britt and I made from a few of the banana and coconut trees behind the gymnasium.
Today was a VERY slow day! We didn’t have any meetings or orientation so we’ve pretty much just been in our apartment all day, cooking, making our syllabi for our classes and just hanging out. There are so many daily adventures here. For example this mornings adventure was figuring out how to make waffles☺. That was hilarious. Then it poured rain all morning so we just had mini adventures in our apartment of singing really loud to songs, some SM’s watched a movie, did handstands, did the dishes, cooked noodles, ate frozen banana, tried to make fried banana, found a HUGE eel in the drain system, killed three cockroaches, and writing in this blog. I will make sure not to fall so far behind in my blogging from now on and then I can give more details☺ But for now I better get back to my lesson plans since school starts this coming Tuesday and registration for High school starts tomorrow!!

SonRise

I was dead.
Literally.
Hanging over the side of a smoking car, blood dripping down from a gash in my shoulder and from a wound on my head, and a black eye to boot.
Only one shoe on, the other was thrown out of the car upon impact. All is motionless and my forehead throbs as my eyes strain in the light. My back is trembling and tense.

Confused? Yes:) this was my freeze frame scene during the opening of SonRise (a live easter drama all across the campus of Southern Adventist University). Beginning in the church the audience is faced with a song drama of the years past tragedies, national disasters, and daily problems. I was a part of the car accident scene as you might have already guessed. I was a girl being dragged out of the smoking car by a firefighter while her father is lying on the pavement with a firefighter hovering over his blood soaked chest performing compressions for CPR. This happens daily, if not hourly around the world. A life is turned upside down from a unplanned, unthought of, unwanted tragedy and a reality of sin. Every year I've been a part of the church scene and before I've been able to watch it all as an angel...however this year I felt more involved, more immersed, more bloody, more personal. I could feel the sticky, cold blood run down my arm every time I stepped out on that stage. And as I would lay my body limp over the arms of chris the firefighter I would think, "I can't imagine a world of this much disaster and sin." Yet I live in the middle of it. The middle of earthquakes, of car accidents, of home foreclosures, of tsunamis, of spousal abuse, of suicide, of disconnected families, of riots and wars. There isn't any escaping the reality of tears.
Another thought that would go through my head was "I NEVER want this to happen to ANYONE I know." More specifically as I lie in the stretcher for the second frozen scene, my eyes went straight towards the disconnected family scene where Brittany sat. My very best friend in this world. All I could think was I would jump in front of a car for her. How I would take a bullet for her. and I would NEVER want pain to come to her ever again.
But the only person who can give his life in place of our own is Jesus. The ultimate sacrifice. So as much as I see sin all around, theres someone who took more than just death for us but possible separation from his father forever. Yet He still died. For you.

My Gym-Master Last

Last night of practice. It was the....

Last time I would ever step foot in the gym for that 8-10 gathering:(
Last time I would be apart of this team
Last time I would look in that mirror with Hannah & Nikkia right behind me for a butterfly
Last time I would grab my stuff out of my box and take 20min to leave the gym cause I'm talking to everyone on the way out
Last time I would look at the clock over coaches office
Last time I would feel apart of this team
Last time I would set up for teepee
Last time I would run through NBA routine....one more time!
Last time I would look around to find someone to do an ab workout with
Last time I would chalk up on the big blue
Last time I would read that long list of coaches ideas and dreams on the lists on the wall
Last time I would run around in a tiny circle, running into people and being thrown in the foam pit during warm-ups
Last time I would have 48 other insta-friends:)
Last time I would forget what day or what color or leotard we were suppose to be wearing
Last time I would stretch out and tie my shoes at the same time
Last time I would be a Gymmaster.

So goodnight gym. I'll be back. I may not be apart of the team anymore but it will always be apart of me.

A perfect day can end in rain

"a perfect day can end in rain"

I kinda laughed to myself when I heard this quote however I still acknowledge it's validity. such which validity became my reality.
Without going through every detail of my day which I'm sure no one, including myself would want to hear. I began with a great morning other than my hairdresser not showing up to my appointment. I shrugged it off and went back in the afternoon. Only problem would have to be the fact I technically spent an accumulative of 2 hours instead of one getting my hair cut and dyed. and Just because I want to complain more you can't even see it....ANYWAYS THAT's NOTHING in comparison to what I found out in the afternoon. Not only did I get in trouble for writing with chalk on the promenade (i know that was stupid of me) but I find out my best friend Brittany Jacobson (who has meant the world to me these last few weeks, into month) is struggling through her own mess and I don't know what to do to help her. I felt lost for words of comfort and just looked into her very hurting eyes with nothing to say. How horrible is the feeling of helplessness. How empty it makes one feel and long for words of wisdom. By her being affected I am affected. Just seems like such a perfect, sunny day can end in "emotional rain." the problem when I get overwhelmed with life, with big house sales, with a bad hair cut, with a pile of homework, with teachers breathing down my neck, with friend problems, I tend to just shut down. I give up, throwing my hands up and just wanting to lay in my bed and let the world pass me by. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. When she comes to me and she struggling I just feel bad for myself. I get angry I can't spend time with her anymore. I get angry that shes going to be so busy. BUT WHO IN THE WORLD am I to call myself her best friend if I just turn everything to feeling bad for myself?! Here she is with a crap-load on her plate and a million things on her mind and tears that won't seem to stop (mentally if not physically). I just want to comfort her. God, can I please see you, can I please hear you. I don't know what to do. How can I talk the talk and not walk the walk. I can't even give my best friend a word of comfort when the tears flow so easily. It reminds me of the song by Francesca Bastielle;

I can’t say that everything’s okay
‘Cause I can see the tears you’re crying
And I can’t promise to take the pain away
But you can know I won’t stop trying

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side

I know it feels like you’re running out of faith
‘Cause it’s so hard to keep believing
But if I can bring a smile back to your face
If for a moment, you’ll forget all about it

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side

‘Cause this won’t be the last time
You’ll need a little hope
But I want to be the first to let you know

[Chorus]
I’ll be the angel by your side
I will get you through the night
I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own
‘Cause when you’re down and out of time
And you think you’ve lost the fight
Let me be the angel
The angel by your side


How much does our heavenly father feel the same way. We hurt so much. He sees our tears flow freely from our broken hearts. He see how we suffer. But sometimes He must feel helpless as we turn our backs on Him. He wants to wrap His arms around us and tell us it's going to be okay but we just give up. I just give up. I just need those eyes of faith. Those eyes that can see God working in all this. The eyes that see His hands reaching and carrying us through these.

How Great is Our God!

For this spring break I went on tour with Gymmaster to California to do shows and weekend programs:) It was amazing how much we traveled. We clocked in about 78 hours on the bus, driving from show to show all over Cali. We saw the sights and so many places I have always wanted to visit!!

-Golden Gate Bridge (full house!)
-Grand Canyon
-Hollywood
-Yosemite National Forest (Wawona summer camp)
-Hollywood bowl
-Venice Beach
-San Francisco
-China Town
-Stars Walk in Hollywood
-Hollywood sign (a drive by lol)
-LAX airport (saw Kirk Franklin, Lady Antebellum, Nick Jonas, Joe Crowe)

As we went to each of these places I began to think...
I placed my hands in the hand prints of famous people, saw the amazing structures built by man, saw celebrities and stars yet was more taked back by the amazing wonders of God's creation. Seeing a famous person or the amazing sights and sounds of Hollywood was nothing in comparison to the breathtaking view standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon or staring up at Half Dome in Yosemite. The song that came to my mind was "How Great is Our God" and how true is that! His creations and wonders far out weight the works of mans hands. What an amazing God we have! Even as I saw celebrities I was excited but again they are only human beings, sinful and created. If only we could get that excited to see God face to face!! Now that's whose autograph I want and a picture with to hang on my wall!!

Frozen Moments

Have you ever just looked around at everything going on around you in a crowded room or with friends and just really looked at each and every face. Taking in their personalities, laughter, and smiles. It's like a freeze frame in movies when the main characters seem to almost freeze, their thoughts become audible and the audience is brought into their thoughts and feelings of their surroundings. I cannot even count how many times I have done that in this past week. I am on spring break with the Gym-Masters from Southern and we have had an absolute blast touring around Arizona and California, doing shows and programs for academies', high schools, and church groups. We have laughed till it hurt, cried together and simply drawn closer as a team. I seem to stop what I'm doing and just look around at all these amazing people. I watch their joys and see their unique personalities. I just think "how amazing God is for putting these people in my life!" The jokes we have, the times we've shared, the relationships. I can connect with them across the room just by a smile. It's like I'm in an out of body experience and I have separated myself from the experience and simply watch all of these people.

I can't believe that this is really my last year. Last year of being a part of this family. We truly become a family as the year progresses. I will never perform again on these mats. I will never hold Chris in a hand to hand again. I will never have the opportunity to fly with strong guys:) lol. A lot of lasts and I'm trying so hard to freeze these moments so I can hold onto them forever. I want to be able to stay in this spot for eternity. But then I think. ETERNITY. That's what we have to look forward too. No longer will I have to worry about having to say goodbye again. Goodbye to amazing people in my life, not knowing when we will see each other again. Leaving next year will be hard. Watching everyone move on with their lives back at Southern with Gymmasters and life in general will be difficult so I'm trying so hard to enjoy these people now. Let's not lie to ourselves, most student missionaries get "forgotten about" speaking in terms. One of my closest friends was gone as a student missionary last year and I can say that I did NOT forget about her and kept in touch as much as possible however things get difficult as you two are living in two VERY different worlds and going through VERY different experiences. You try to relate to one another but the people and places are so drastic. I know that no matter how many promises are thrown around people will move on with their lives and we shall live different lives next year. A growing experience for sure! and I am looking forward to the God growing I will have just not the pain aspect of it. I know I have written about pain and Good-byes before but I can say it again. I hate goodbyes. So one last time I look across this room, take in the scenery and cherish the faces for what seems to be the last time. Each and every one of them are so amazing and I will continue to thank God for the experiences and good times I could share with them and for putting them in my life:) Now I can only look forward to a time when I won't have to worry about leaving them or saying Goodbye. It will be forever and ever an amazing moment with Jesus and these peeps:)

Home

Oh how much more you appreciate home when you are forced to live so far away.
I didn't realize how much I really missed home till I find myself here right now, surronded my amazing family.
I look around the room and see the love and smiles and realize how much I miss at school.
I miss sitting down with my uncle and watching a hockey game, that the leaf are most likely going to loose,
or sitting on my grandmas lap pretending to be two again and literally squishing the air right out of her,
or playing games with the family and laughing so hard we're rolling on the floor in pain,
or driving to an old classmates house to catch up and see some long lost friends,
or seeing my baby cousin for the first time,
or laying in my old bed looking at the AWESOME yellow walls,
or hearing my parents talk in the other room while I fall asleep,
or sleeping in till 10 and going upstairs to an amazing breakfast prepared with love just for me,
or just watching my family as they talk, laugh and joke with one another over tea and cheese lol.

Yes, it's good to be home. Why do we always have to say goodbye, It's like we're always getting together just to leave again. Oh what a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see. When every tear shall be wiped away. No more goodbyes. Did I mention I hate goodbyes......well I do. But for now on this cruel, sin-filled earth we shall just part again.
For now I'll enjoy it. While it lasts and hang on till the next time I get to come home to this heaven on earth again, the place I call HOME. (temporary home:)

Th Sickness of Sin

Being sick is never fun.

It started with a head cold. Moving to my lungs it started to creep into my body. Waking up Wednesday morning it had hit my entire being like a freight train. I could barely move, for the fact that I didn't even want to move. It hurt to breathe. But school is not an option in college. No matter how you feel you must continue to go, go, go. I tried to fight it but the flu is not something that leaves ones body quickly. It is in no rush to evacuate the premise and in my case it was no different. Heading to the gymnastics gym Tues. night with my hood over my head, shoulder slumped in exhaustion from the constant battle inside me and a big pair of sweat pants i was not in the mood to hold others up or do any time or form of physical movement. My head was hot and my joints felt as if they had sand paper in them, leaving me with no energy to do anything but survive. I had not been sick like this in a very, very long time. Walking back to my dorm room, slowly and painfully I began to think, as I often do when I have alone time. This sickness had absolutely taken over my entire being. It changed my personality. I was tired and not as optimistic about life and my friends could tell. Something was wrong. Made me think of what sin does to us. Not only our physical bodies but definitely our spiritual well being. It takes us over completely causing us "aches and pains" of a spiritual battle inside of us. It changes us and people can tell. Changes us for the worst. But this too does pass. I tried to let my body fight the sickness, but was forced to give in, give in to the medication. There is no relief like that of a cough drop when your throat is on fire or your lungs are dry heaving in pain. That medicine for our spiritual is the one and only life giver, Jesus Christ. Only He can cleanse us from the inside out and relieve that sinful pain.

When you're sick you avoid certain things too. Sounds familiar to avoiding temptation of sin. I couldn't eat sugar. In fact for once in my life I revolted sugar thinking of the damage it would do to my immune system causing this awful sickness to drag on even longer. I didn't down a nutty bar even though it tasted good cause I knew the consequences would be more sickness. So why put yourself in a situation where you are forced to be tempted with sins sickness. Christ is our only hope. He is the physician, the great healer, our medicine. Good news this medicine doesn't taste horrible either like buckleys or halls, all it takes is one question. one question to have God take complete control of your life. Complete control of your defense system against the sickness of sin.

In His hands

We've all seen this picture so many times...













Hands cradling the world
Very strong, scarred and capable hands

I'm watching a youtube video and that image flashed across my screen. But this time it was different. I really took in that picture. How amazing it is that God has this world in HIS hands!?! He holds us, so what do we have to fear. As a little kid I use to sing (and maybe still sing it to myself:) the song "He's got the whole world in His hands." So incredible! AND not only is the world in His hands but look how small it seems in His mighty hands. This one picture in particular didn't show the world as being larger than God's hands but the world is small and completely encircled in his big hands. No need to fear cause these worldly problems and disasters are tiny when placed in God's hands and so are you're problems and concerns. To us they seem gigantic and too big for us to hold but for God, there is not argument that he can easily handle them and take care of us!

Not only does He hold this entire world and universe but He holds me, and YOU!
Whatever your worries and cares for today, put them into His VERY capable hands. After all He's got you and me sister in His hands! He's got you and me brother in His hands. He's got the WHOLE WORLD in His hands.

Isaiah 40:12 says Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?

A look at the scale

Had a good laugh with the gals today after abs class:

we disscussed best criteria to follow before weighing yourself for optimal result.
oh we laughed so hard:)!

-shower
-wash your face...don't want the makeup weighing you down
-brush your teeth
-take of any possible extra weight (clothes, hair pins, elastics)
-clip your toe nails
-go to the bathroom:)
-wash your hands

It was all laughs and fun but it made me realize how superficial us girls can be sometimes.
some picture of being thin is beautiful. somehow there's a cookie cutter shape we all have to fit into to make us beautiful. I have fallen into this lie too. the Lie satan shoves in our faces everyday that our personalities don't matter, WHO we are on the inside doesn't matter but rather what we look like. step out girls. stand strong. The Lord created you to be you. Let's all see the heart like Christ. Heard a song on the radio about a young womans' heart of gold. So why not look for those....those hearts of gold. They are the real beautiful things. The real beauty within:)

Rubbing off

Do you ever find yourself taking on someone else's habits/mannerisms after you've hung out with them for a while?
Whether it be a friend or aquantence, you seem to take on their attitude, or sayings.

I know that sometimes how I talk/react to a person depends first on how they interact with me. If a person is warm and welcoming I find myself opening up and being friendly back. I would hope that that is not true if a person is cold to me and that I would in turn be cold back but they can just take more effort on my part and be harder to hang out with comfortably. I wouldn't be myself around them as with those I feel comfortable with.

For example I will act a certain way with certain people, NOT saying that I change who I AM but rather what I do/act based on what I know about that person. Two of my roommates over the years have been those specific people. At summer camp this year I "roomed" with the girls director, Chiara Stellacci for a while and I found myself talking like her sometimes or acting like her after hanging out for a while. Her caring and charismatic personality was "wearing off" on me in a positive way. I found myself trying to be more caring and accepting of others because that is the way SHE is. And the occassional expressions she would use would often escape my own mouth without me even realizing it sometimes.

Another such person is my current roommate here at Southern, Nicole Ley. She's a person whose positive influence is "rubbing off" on me. If you don't know her, I HIGHLY recommend that you get to know her! She has a huge heart and a high-energy spirit!! She is so much fun and I find myself wanting to be a happier person when I'm around her. When she talks there is a sparkle in her eyes like a joy for life, and she listens when you talk to her with all her attention. I strive to be like these two amazing women of God and I feel like I'm a better person for knowing them and having them in my life. I hope that never changes and our friendships don't die. My mannerisms are still my own personality they are just made better around these people.

Speaking of mannerisms, makes me think of families. Don't you find yourself in a situation and someone notices how much you sound like your mother or father or you act like your brother or sister?. Growing up in my home, many positive solid foundations were laid for my life. I would watch my parents and learn from what they did. I began to act like them and speak like them (and I still do:). So in a sense they've worn off on me:)! I often get the remark that I laugh JUST LIKE my mom and smile like my dad. When I'm being silly or playing around I sometimes act like my brother. I've taken their positive examples and strive to always work harder and do better because of their influence on me.

So the argument definetly does stand that whoever you choose to hang around with, will affect who you are. They will "rub off" on you whether you see it happening or not. Are you hanging around with friends who will make you want to strive to be a better, happier, more christ-like, loving, accepting, and joyful person? Or are you taking on their negative traits? Who we spend time with affects the people we become. SO spending time with Christ can only mean ONE thing. We become more like Him. That's definetly a positive relationship! the more time you spend with HIM the more his character will "rubb off" onto you!! That's awesome. Want to become a more Christ-like person? Hang out with Chirst. you can't go wrong there!

Mountains & Goodness

God is Good, All the Time
All the Time, God is Good

This seems to be one of my maman's favorite sayings. I love it!
It's so true!
This past week I had many struggles, breakdowns, desperate prayers, alone time and tears. I thought I God had forgotten me. But this weekend reminded me of the fact HE will never forget His children. Even in the darkest times when I couldn't hear anything but my fearful thoughts He was right there with me. And he reminded me of that by surrounding me with AMAZING friends. I don't know what I would do without them. And even above that, my parents. They are so supportive and just talking to them makes my crazy world all make sense. I can't thank God enough for my family and Friends. Here at school they take time to pick me up off my butt, talk to me, and just sit with me while I cry it all out. My roommate (Nicole Ley) has been with me every step of this terrible week. She has put up with my ranting and raving, my indecision, my tears, my anger, my absolute immaturity. And then those who take time to throw chocolate at me when I'm just face down on the floor completely overwhelmed:) (Julie Landess and Beth Corn)
God gave me signs of throughout this entire weekend. An amazing text of encouragement from my brother, a skype time to talk with my maman cause she knows exactly what to say to help me through what I'm going through, and a relaxing time with friends sabbath afternoon. oh yes and then a breakfast date with my roomie this morning.
So now I'm off to the library to DO MY MOUNTAIN OF HOMEWORK. BUT God says we can MOVE MOUNTAINS with the faith of a mustard seed. So here I go, gunna move that mountain:)

Keep your chin up, You'll get through whatever you're going through. Hang in there, more importantly Hang on to God. He won't let you go, so don't let go of Him.

The "LIST"

I'm reading this book called "the list" by marian jordan...(ladies, GREAT book I recommend it to YOU!)

It's talking all about girl's hopeless life "lists" and when we all stop and admit it, we all have life lists.
Things we wish to accomplish in our lives by certain milestones or birthdays or markers.
Or we make lists in our future spouses.. whether its a physically written down in black and white or on our hearts minds we have done it at one point in our lives. I mean is it wrong to aspire for high standards and qualities. We are called to not settle. I agree. But are you looking for Christlike qualities OR just looking for a perfect mr. superman. I believe we're ALL human and that we are all God's masterpieces, that are STILL being worked on.
Another LIST in my life is a "I WANT" list.

I want this, I want that.

Top of my list right now is a road bike. then a car.
These things all have one thing in common. MATERIAL possession. Selfish ambitions.
Somehow I think if I have that next great thing then I'll be happy. BUT WILL I? Have you ever wanted something for a long time and when you finally did get it, it wasn't as exciting or great as you thought? You thought that just this ONE more thing would make you happy. That one pair of shoes, that one set of clothes, that one BIKE.....always looking ahead to find joy. I often think when I'm in better shape i'll be happy....loose those few more pounds...be faster...be better at that sport....THEN i'll be HAPPY. But God does not want us to always live for tomorrow. A lesson I have yet to learn!! We can have JOY now! Joy is not found in this world or in any material possessions! That the lie that satan wants us all to believe. If we could cross ONE MORE thing off our list our lives would be better. IT'S ALL LIES!
great quotes..

JOY is not found in some future state; it is available now for those of us willing to make the exchange! The secret of life is not found in consuming but in being consumed by a passion for God- marian jordan

My Mamie

Beauty is in her experienced eyes, which have seen years of joy, pain, war and life.
Beauty is in her golden hair with its sun kissed look of year’s outdoors
Beauty is in her age spots representing a life of hard work and toil.
Beauty is in her hands, which have comforted and cared for others before herself.
Beauty is in her smile, which has light up so many lives with its radiance
Her beauty has only increased with time.
All she may see is imperfections, wrinkles and lines but all I see is a woman who has seen more of life then can be measured and made more of a difference in this world then she could ever know. But more important than the impact she has on this world is the impact she has on my life. She has taught me more then she could ever know and I can see her beauty everyday.